Forgiveness Is NOT Optional

By Rev. Heidi L. Barham |  September 13, 2026

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Read Matthew 18:21 – 35 (NIV)
 
Our New Testament lesson today picks up where we left off last week in the Gospel of Matthew.  It is in this passage of Scripture that we find Peter… one of Jesus’ inner circle of disciples… asking about forgiveness. 
 
Now, forgiveness is one of those subjects that tend to generate a lot of discussion… as well as some disagreement… when the topic is raised.  This is especially true in today’s society.  Folks are hesitant and reticent about forgiving other people.
 
However, as we will soon see… the concept of forgiveness is not something that Jesus left up for debate. 
 
He made it perfectly clear that FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL.
 
If we were to do a search of the words “forgive,” “forgiven” or “forgiveness” in the Bible… we would discover that there are 121 times that some form of the word forgive is found when we look at the New International Version of the Bible… further study would reveal that roughly 1/3 of those occurrences (41) are found within the context of the four Gospels.
 
Scholars suggest that the use of repetition in the scriptures is an indicator of the significance or importance of a particular thought or idea… so, it would appear that forgiveness ranks pretty high on the list of priorities.
 
Now, on the off chance that someone needs additional support for the claim that FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL… then look no further than Matthew 6, which contains the model prayer that Jesus taught His disciples… that prayer which we most often refer to as “The Lord’s Prayer.”  It is in Matthew 6:12 that we read, “And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.”
 
And in verses 14 and 15 we read these words of Jesus, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
 
Now, I don’t know about you, but it seems evident to me that FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL… according to Jesus, it is a requirement.
 
Maybe that is what prompted Peter to ask Jesus the question of the day.  Although forgiveness may not be optional… just how many times do I have to forgive someone?  Perhaps that’s a question we have asked at some point ourselves… that is, if we’re being honest.
 
Back in biblical times, rabbis routinely taught that someone should be forgiven three times… so, conceivably Peter thought he was being extremely generous when he made the suggestion that someone should be forgiven… not three times… but seven times.  
 
However, when we look at the text… we see that Jesus did not consider seven times as being anywhere close to adequate.  In fact, He responded that someone should be forgiven up to seventy-seven times or as some versions of the Bible read seventy times seven.  (For those who may be slightly mathematically challenged, that is four hundred ninety times.)
 
Now, it is highly unlikely that any of us are going to keep a running tally of how many times we have forgiven someone else… just so that when we get to either the seventy-eighth time or even the four hundred ninety-first time… we can say, “Thanks for trying… but you have surpassed the allotted quota for forgiveness.” 
 
And if the truth be told… I would be willing to bet that none of us wants anyone else… especially Jesus… to keep a running tab on just how many times we have needed to be forgiven… do we? 
 
The whole point of this passage that calls for our consideration this morning is that we need to forgive as we have been forgiven… because the fact of the matter is that FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL.
 
And as we look more closely at the text, we find Jesus using the Parable of the Unforgiving Debtor to highlight this for Peter… and it is a very useful illustration for us as well. 
 
I want to invite us to listen to this Parable again as it is found in the Message Paraphrase:

“The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn’t pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.  “The poor wretch threw himself at the king’s feet and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt.
 
“The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, ‘Pay up. Now!’  The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, ‘Give me a chance and I’ll pay it all back.’ But he wouldn’t do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.
 
The king summoned the man and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn’t you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?’ The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt.

Then after telling Peter this parable, Jesus said, “And that’s exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn’t forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy.” 
 
In other words, Peter, if you or anyone else chooses not to forgive as you have been forgiven… you will find yourselves in a boatload of trouble when the time comes for you to give an account to God.  Why? 
 
Because at the risk of being redundant… FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL.
 
And that still applies to us today. 
 
Now, I know many of you have heard me tell the story about the time, many years ago, when I was so angry with Ron that I was all set to give him a piece of my mind.  But before I could say or do anything, God led me to two verses at the end of Ephesians 4… which put an end to the argument before it even began.
 
It is in Ephesians 4:31-32 that we read, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” 
 
It is okay to say, “Ouch.”  I know I did!
 
It was after that incident, that I started asking a question whenever the subject of forgiveness came up… “If you want to hold on to your unforgiveness toward someone else, what is it that you are willing for God not to forgive you?” 
 
Helps to put things into perspective, doesn’t it?
 
And yet, it is really easy for us to look at someone else’s actions and think there is no way I can forgive them for doing a-b-c or x-y-z or [you can fill in the blank]. 
 
Just this past week, the country paused to reflect on the events of 9/11… twenty-five years after the horrific events that changed our lives in ways we could have never imagined.
 
And times like that can raise serious questions and doubts as it relates to the concept of forgiveness… after all, how can we ever forgive someone who has caused so much destruction and devastation?  
 
Tragedy and trauma also raise questions like, how are we supposed to forgive someone who has taken advantage of an elderly or developmentally disabled person?
 
Or is it even remotely possible to forgive someone who has hurt or worse, who has killed a child?
 
And looking at the things that are continuing to go on in the world around us today… there is no shortage of stuff that seems like it should be unforgivable.
 
But as egregious as any offense may be… there is no fine print when it comes to forgiveness.  There are no legal loopholes to jump through that will get us out of the simple and straightforward command, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).
 
The scriptures are clear… FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL… we are commanded to forgive as we have been forgiven.
 
And that is why it is imperative that we do our best to move past whatever barriers and roadblocks make us think that it is impossible to forgive someone for whatever they may have done to us or to someone else.
 
You have probably heard me say on more than one occasion that “Holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
 
Bitterness and unforgiveness can become extremely toxic to our system.  And that is likely what you will find at the root of the hatred and vitriol we see being spewed out on a daily basis… a heart steeped in bitterness and unforgiveness. 
 
That is why it is incumbent upon us to let go of whatever grudges and anger we might be holding onto… so that we do not add more fuel to the fires that are already raging out of control. 
 
And here is the reality… while we are so busy using all of our energy to hold onto our righteous indignation… that other person has likely moved on with their life… completely oblivious to what is eating us up, from the inside out. 
 
In the meantime, if we keep sitting and simmering with anger and frustration… we will find ourselves becoming paralyzed as the bitterness consumes us.
 
And we will find ourselves becoming incapable of doing what Christ has commanded us to do… because the simple fact is that we cannot show love to one another if we have a heart that has been hardened by unforgiveness. 
 
And if we do not fully grasp the concept that FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL… and we do not forgive as we have been forgiven… and if we fail to love one another as Christ has commanded us to love… we will be called to give an account and have to pay the price… just as the unforgiving debtor had to do in our text. 
 
And let me suggest… that is not an enviable position to find ourselves.
 
So, let me pose a question that looks at this from a slightly different angle… what happens when the person we cannot seem to forgive is us?  What do we do when we feel that we are the ones who have done the unforgivable?
 
Let me share this story with you that I came across that will prayerfully give us some hope.  It was on the Sermon Illustrations website and since it was on the Internet, it has to be true right?  Whatever the case, this is how the story goes:

In A Forgiving God in an Unforgiving World, author, Ron Lee Davis retells the true story of a priest in the Philippines, who was a much- loved man of God who carried the burden of a secret sin he had committed many years before. He had repented but still had no peace, no sense of God's forgiveness.
There was a woman in his parish who deeply loved God and who claimed to have visions in which she spoke with Christ and He in turn spoke with her. The priest, however, was skeptical.
To test her he said, “The next time you speak with Christ, I want you to ask Him what sin your priest committed while he was in seminary.”
The woman agreed. A few days later the priest asked., “Well, did Christ visit you in your dreams?”
“Yes, he did,” she replied.
“And did you ask Him what sin I committed in seminary?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what did he say?”
“He said, ‘I don’t remember.’”
Moral of the story:  What God forgives, He forgets.
(Credited to David H. Bolton.  Retrieved from http://www.sermonillustrations.com/a-z/f/forgiveness.htm)

That ought to excite somebody today!  That really is good news we all can use. 
 
Now, the writer of Hebrews was quoting the Prophet Jeremiah (31:34) when he said it like this, “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12). 
 
It is up to us, however, to confess our need for forgiveness.  And if we take a look at 1 John 1:9 we read, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
 
God truly is faithful and just… and God will forgive us of our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing when we confess that we have gone astray and admit that we really do need to be forgiven.
 
And once we take into account how much God has already forgiven us… it should be that much easier for us to forgive others (as well as ourselves).  Especially when we think about the lengths to which God was willing to go in order to forgive us of our sins. 
 
In Romans 5:8 we read, “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
 
 So, if God was willing to give His only Son to take on the punishment that our sins deserved so that we could be forgiven… what possible excuse is there for any of us not to forgive ourselves or anyone else?  
 
The answer is simple – there is no excuse, none whatsoever… the scriptures leave us with no wiggle room when it comes to forgiveness.
 
Now, we will often hear people say we need to forgive and forget… but let me suggest we consider the corollary to that and be encouraged that we should never forget to forgive… because FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL.
 
In today’s text, the first man begged the king for forgiveness of his debt and he was forgiven.  The second man begged the first man for forgiveness of the debt he owed but his plea for forgiveness was denied… and suffice it to say, things did not work out in the first man’s favor.
 
As we consider this parable, both men asked for forgiveness… but the reality is that the majority of the people who have wronged us may never ask for forgiveness… but God commands us to forgive them anyhow… remember FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL
 
And at the end of the day… forgiveness is really more for the person doing the forgiving than the one who is being forgiven. 
 
When we forgive the people who have wronged us… whether they have asked for it, or not… whether they acknowledge they have wronged us, or not… whether they are even aware we have forgiven them, or not… when we forgive, we are set free from carrying around the weight and burden of unforgiveness… and our lives become that much sweeter.
 
In a commentary about forgiveness that appears in the “Inspirational Bible” which was edited by Max Lucado… Lucado writes, “When you forgive someone, you are as close to God as you will ever be, because in that forgiveness you are demonstrating the very heart of God, the merciful King” (The Inspirational Bible Devotional Thought on Forgiveness, 1995, 1264-D).
 
Now, that forgiving, merciful King in our text this morning and that Lucado references is the King of kings… while, if we are being totally honest, that unforgiving servant is us…
 
But can I let you in on a little secret?
 
Because of God’s amazing grace, we are all the beneficiaries of God’s unconditional love and forgiveness… not because we deserve it… but because God loves us just that much.
 
And if that thought fills your heart with joy, I want to invite you to stand now and join in singing our Hymn of Discipleship: Amazing Grace #546.

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